


told you not to hold your breath you're turning blue the way i make you sweat

by prettyskylark



Category: The Queen's Gambit (TV)
Genre: F/M, Post-Canon, Sharing a Bed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-12 11:54:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28759890
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prettyskylark/pseuds/prettyskylark
Summary: The good ol' trusted "and there was only one bed".
Relationships: Beth Harmon/Benny Watts
Comments: 15
Kudos: 163





	told you not to hold your breath you're turning blue the way i make you sweat

**Author's Note:**

> I've had it saved on my deskop as a draft for so long now it was pathetic. I'm not entirely satisfied but I wrote too much to let it die of natural causes. Forgive me if it feels somehow OOC - for whatever reason I was unable to write dialogue for this one. Also it's me projecting my own personal life onto these characters so I hope you'll have as much fun reading it as I had writing it.
> 
> Titles comes from my fav song by The All-American Rejects "Sweat".

Beth didn’t necessarily know how it happened.

Or rather she did, she just didn’t understand how they all could have let it happen.

It started with a shared invitation for both of the US co-champions, not to play but to publicly represent. Then a job proposition from _Chess Review_ followed to write a quick article on the tournament that happened to be hosting said two US co-champions. Finally it turned out that all three people concerned happened to be in staying New York (all separately and without the others’ knowledge) so it would be purely practical to go together since the event took place not that far away from where they all currently were. Somehow the complex nature of all of their relationships was omitted without a second thought while making the decision and that’s how they found themselves in this situation.

The air was pleasant, the kind you only get during summer evenings when the heat of the sunlight stored in the pavement warms up the night. Beth was standing a few feet away from the car, watching Townes unloading her baggage from the trunk while Benny leaned against the doors, observing the façade of the building in front of them, a leather duffel bag perched on his shoulder. It felt absolutely ridiculous and it also didn’t. To be going on a trip with these two particular people, with these two men who took up a substantial amount of space in her life, somehow overlapping the territories but never coming into direct contact until now.

Ever since their shared time in Moscow Beth has felt so at ease in Townes company she could not imagine now how she could have ever been nervous around him. The sight of his soft smile brought a warm, fuzzy feeling to her chest that had very little to do with any sexual attraction her younger self had felt whatsoever. Having found out that he was an ally, devotedly and gratuitously so, was a relief Beth didn’t even know she needed. Townes stood in her corner without playing her game and since that fateful conversation that cleared the air once and for all there was not a thing unsaid between them.

On the other hand Benny was nothing if not an unsaid suspension. Since she came back from Russia not so long ago they met only once, during a little celebratory party that all of the boys threw in Beth’s honor but Beth could hardly call that one meeting ‘satisfactory’. An irritating, sick lightness took over her insides the second she saw him talking to Harry at the other side of the apartment but she quickly realized there wasn’t a reason to worry. It seemed like they both tried to avoid each other throughout the whole evening until the twins simultaneously decided to leave the kitchen area and go out to buy more wine (for Beth, fortunately or not, only tea) and the two chess players found themselves alone for the first time. Beth couldn’t predict the next move because she didn’t know where they’d left off. But Benny only smiled at her, a twist of his lips that didn’t quite reach his eyes that somehow seemed tired, and made another comment on her clever endgame strategy. Neither said anything about his phone call to Moscow nor the one before that when he said she should never call him again. Not to mention that one phone call that still sometimes replayed itself in Beth’s memory when she least expected nor needed it, usually when she was on the verge of sleep, the one with Benny’s hesitant voice admitting to missing her. They barely interacted with each other yet Beth always felt his presence. She swore neither did it on purpose but their gazes kept finding each other to snort over a joke no one else understood, as if they tried to whisper a comment to one another without using words. Beth and Benny were two very different people but there was no one that loved nor understood chess the way they did so it somehow made them weirdly alike. As if sometimes she was talking to her own self on the other side of the room, seeking validation, looking for comfort. This state of things made Beth insatiable but if it was supposed to be like that between them from now on, purposely separated yet constantly connected, then she would gladly accept that draw over any concrete verdict.

“Shall we go?” Townes gestured towards the entrance of the hostel, snapping Beth out of her thoughts, and they all made their way towards it.

She has certainly stayed in better places but the lobby felt pleasantly welcoming. Full of soft carpets and orange walls soaked in a warm glow from the lamps standing in the corners. A middle-aged man in a suit looked up at them from behind a wooden front desk. What an odd group they must have made. Townes stepped up, a politely neutral smile already on his face.

“Good evening. How may I help you?”

“Hello. There’s been a reservation for three separate rooms under the name ‘Townes’”.

“Just a moment, please.”

As the man turned pages in a large register, not for the first time that day Beth silently took in her two companions.

Townes and Benny couldn’t have been different if they tried. The first man with his dark, slicked back hair, strong jawline, big hands and firm body, a true gentleman and a beauty stereotype of a movie star and the second’s mess of blond strands, youthful appearance, lanky limbs, slender fingers and a swagger of a self-serving vigilante. While Townes wore a nicely cut, woolen coat, Benny sported his leather duster. But Beth also knew them all too well now to see only what was visible to the eye. Behind Townes’ heartwarming kindness hid a polite unavailability the same as Benny’s sly grin could melt into a gentle smile in a matter of seconds. She wondered how she fit into that picture between the two of them and who was she paired up with by the strangers in the lobby sneaking glances at them.

“I’m sorry but the reservation must have not been written down. Is there anything else I can do for you?”

“That’s… odd but understandable. Then can we just have three single rooms for tonight?”

“I’m afraid we’re booked. There are only two rooms left, one single and one double bed. Is that alright with you?”

A beat of silence followed. Townes cleared his throat and slowly nodded his head. Benny shuffled his feet and moved the ring on his finger. It was too late to look for any last-minute accommodations, given if there would even be any in town. The men turned to her, the inevitable hung in the air between the three of them. Beth made sure to keep her expression as composed as ever but her mind was racing, playing out possible scenarios like chess moves, except the imaginary chessboard looked a lot like bedcovers.

The safest option would be for the two men to sleep together in one bed but somehow that felt irrational since they might feel uncomfortable about it and her presence served as a simple solution to that problem. Of course she could share the bed with Townes and in the light of their recent reconciliation it wouldn’t be a problem for neither of them. It also somehow felt off, like an unnecessary move forward only to move back two turns later. Then she could choose to sleep next to Benny but for all of the reasons why it was the most obvious solution of them all it was also the most impossible one. It didn’t have to mean anything and they might as well just _sleep_ but—What if they won’t? What if accidents created opportunities that were meant to be taken and treated as excuses? But then what will they do after that? Move backwards to resolve their past issues or ignore them and once again go their separate ways until another crossroad? But then again _not_ choosing to share the room with Benny possibly meant acknowledging all of the reasons why they shouldn’t therefor admitting said reasons even existed. With a start Beth realized every opening simultaneously equaled a mate.

“We don’t have to be at the venue till the later matches so we’ll take the double to not get into each other’s way.” Benny said to anyone in particular, grabbed the key to the right room and moved towards the elevator without as much as a single glance. Beth and Townes followed with no comment.

They parted on the corridor, bidding their goodbyes and goodnights. Luckily the hour was late enough that after their tiring trip all they had to do was get ready for sleep without the additional awkwardness of shared activities. Townes closed the door behind himself and Benny turned the key into their room, letting Beth in first. A wave of anxiety washed over her and suddenly made her wish she had taken the single and left the boys to deal with the situation on their own.

Their room was, alike the rest of the hotel, small but cozy. It smelled of laundry detergent. Benny kept on not looking at Beth and she didn’t know whether it was because he was acting so casually or anything but. He took off his coat and put the duffle bag on his side of the bed and Beth followed suit. The longer they didn’t talk the longer Beth felt like she was seconds away from blurting out something inappropriate.

She couldn’t read Benny’s actions. She was glad he took the initiative and saved her from making a decision that might have meant more than she’d care to admit but she was also annoyed at whatever he had assumed that led to this outcome. Did he hope something would happen between them if they were forced to share a bed? Did Beth mind? Did he truly do it out of purely practical reasons? And if so why did it irritate Beth even more?

Now everything they did was a move in the game they were playing. Calculated, analyzed, countered. The only problem was, as much as they tried to figure each other’s styles out in the game of chess, they already knew all their tricks in the game in between the sheets. So the only way to surprise the opponent was to do something unexpected and in their case – it was to stop playing altogether.

Beth glanced in the direction of the bathroom and quickly decided it was better to shower first. That way she could already be safely tucked in bed, preoccupied by her magazine and openly disinterested by the time Benny would make it under the covers. It gave her the upper hand of choosing and securing the position and because she had no idea how the rest of the night would progress, she had to plan for any advantages she could take.

She hoped the hot water would wash away the tension and help her relax. Before Beth stepped back into the room she took a long look at herself in the mirror. Damp tips of her hair stuck to her neck and a light blush colored her cheeks. She slid the material of her shirt off of the shoulder slightly, then put it back on, then slid it off again. Working Benny over meant tiptoeing that thin line between _not eager_ and _not disinterested_ and Beth still wasn’t sure if she could do that without tripping and falling over _._

They passed each other silently as Benny made his way to the bathroom and Beth made her way towards the bed. She got under the covers and picked up her magazine, flipping through the pages idly. She knew that directly looking at someone, especially from the position of the bed, who was exiting a bathroom after a shower so their skin was probably still damp in places, with a few droplets travelling from the back of their neck down their back, was an invitation that put the entering person in an open position and that’s what she wanted to avoid by choosing to shower first. Instead of focusing on the text in front of her she listened to the sounds coming from the other room. First the tap was turned off, then the doors quietly creaked and Benny’s footsteps whispered on the carpeted floor. The article wasn’t particularly interesting but she fixated her eyes upon it with ferocity. Beth felt a pang of curiosity whether he would be dressed in his usual robe or shirtless altogether. That was one of his favorite moves back when they shared his apartment, to showcase bare planes of skin when Beth’s hands had already been restless for exploration. She waited for him to start settling into bed to finally sneak a peek over the rim of the magazine. A faded black t-shirt of some band she has never heard of clang to his body and a pang of irritation made Beth scrunch her nose. Somehow this was much worse. Somehow seeing his bare skin would make her feel better because now a part of her ached to check whether the lines of his naked body looked just how she remembered them. _Of course_ Benny would wear actual clothes just this once because they _weren’t_ playing that game anymore.

“Anything worthwhile?” Benny asked suddenly while nodding towards the magazine. The picture of his own face looked back at him from the front page.

“Not really, just a really boring interview with this stuck-up guy from the cover.”

Benny snorted and the corners of Beth’s mouth quirked up.

“Mind if I turn off the lights then?”

“Not at all.”

The lights flickered and turned off and suddenly it felt as if the whole air got sucked out of Beth’s lungs. It has only been one second and she didn’t know how she could have ever thought they might just _sleep_. The bed was quite big, a comfortable queen’s size, big enough for two people to lay next to one another without touching but now every dip of the mattress seemed to bring her closer to the center and to the body next to her. The covers rustled with their every move and in silence it sounded deafening, as if they were moving way too much, fidgeting and squirming restlessly, unable to stay still. Or maybe they were barely moving, too afraid of accidently brushing against a foot or a hand and every twitch of a muscle counted and brought them closer to the side of the opponent in this game that they were still obviously not playing.

A moment has passed and Beth listened to Benny’s breathing as if she could decipher his intentions through it. Were they deep, even breaths through his nose that meant peace and quiet or were they audible, heavy exhales that laced the air around them with tension? Was he trying to read her as well? She could see the outline of his back at the corner of her eyes and she couldn’t believe he laid next to her just like that, after all that time, after all the literal and metaphorical distance that has separated them. A sudden thought passed her mind and a spark of anger went through her body, spreading across limbs alike lightning bolt. What if he truly wasn’t playing the game? What if it was the bar situation all fucking over, where she thought he was giving her signs only for her to make a move and discover he wasn’t up for the match? She wouldn’t make that same mistake twice. The clock was ticking and the time to do something has clearly passed. All that anticipation and they truly were going to _just_ sleep.

Beth bit the inside of her cheek and stopped herself from huffing in annoyance. _Stupid_ , she scolded herself. To feel disappointment over something that she should not have even awaited. The bed was too small for her to forget about the heat radiating off of his still body. The slick material of her nightset clung to her skin in all the wrong places. Sleeping on her back was uncomfortable but the right side, chosen so that she wouldn’t even have to look at his sleeping form, somehow felt too hot. It was ridiculous. She should have chosen the room with Townes or have made the boys share the bed altogether and she wouldn’t be suffering a sleepless, pill-less night in a cheap hotel room with her back hurting, skin sweating and the one person on Earth who was able to rile her up like that lying just inches away and not closing that damned distance between them.

She turned vigorously, almost jumped, to turn from right to left. The forceful way in which she moved the covers made a noise that sounded like vicious waves crashing against the unyielding shore. She didn’t hear the other side rustling at the very same time as Benny's body trashed in unison. They came face to face, their noses almost touching. Eyes wide open in surprise boring into each other. A thought from her mind turned into reality and it suddenly felt more like a fantasy that Beth couldn’t place herself in. Apart from that one accident in Paris she hasn’t been with anyone since Benny, partly because she had too many things to worry about to put the needs of her body on that list and partly because she knew no one else could get into her bed. No one beside Benny knew her enough to appreciate her fully, to satisfy her fully therefor no one deserved to try. Her first instinct now was to move forward, to finally slide her palms under his shirt and feel the hot skin, to try to coax out a him a sound she hasn’t heard him make yet. Or to place her hands on his chest and push him away, a stubborn revenge for keeping her on her toes for so long. She felt his breath ghosting over her parted lips. His eyes darted downwards.

Just as quickly as she turned left, Beth moved onto her back, killing the moment they have just had. She stared at the ceiling, not daring to look at Benny. She felt betrayed by her own body. Her cheeks burned and her heart pounded. She didn’t know which drove her crazy more – the tight feeling in her chest making it almost impossible to breathe or the needy fire in the pit of her stomach that spread and set ablaze the rest of her. She couldn’t think, couldn’t do anything but focus on the overwhelming desire to _touch_ and _be touched_ and _be held_ by the only set of hands that knew how to handle her. The same care and precision which he used to move the pieces on the chessboard he used to play Beth’s body. The silence fell heavy between them and started suffocating her. The words bubbled up her throat, pressed from the inside of her mouth, threatening to choke if not spilled out. The echo of something yet unspoken rumbled so clearly in her mind, like a memory from the future. She felt as if she didn’t say something she would lose her mind yet she couldn’t make a sound, couldn’t think fast enough to make a decision. It felt absolutely terrifying, that unknown pit separating you from a move you have to make but can’t foresee the consequences of. The uncertainty of making the wrong decision but forever regretting not making one at all.

“Benny?”

His name left her lips on its own accord, uncontrolled and unpredictable. Her voice sounded so small. Maybe he didn’t hear it. Maybe he already fell asleep. A long beat of silence measured by Beth’s rapid heartbeats passed and it felt like accidently missing a step while walking down the stairs.

“ _Fuck._ ”

His hands grabbed for her body at the same time as hers reached out for his. Their open lips found each other in the darkness, pressing together, breaths mixing, panting, hungry and needy and so full of relief Beth felt drunk on it. She slid her fingers into his hair, pulling on it lightly, bringing him in closer. His fingers curled around her hip, hitching her thigh higher and over the lower of his back. The familiar weight of him aligned with all the curves and dips of her body and set every inch of their touching skin on fire.

“Took you long enough.” Benny gasped into her open mouth. She heard as well as felt the smirk against her own lips. She arched her back, exposing the length of her neck while pressing their hips closer together.

“You made me wait, you asshole.” The spite in her voice didn’t ring out as intended, instead breaking into a moan as Benny bit the skin where Beth’s neck curved into a shoulder. It would leave a mark she’d have to cover up with a scarf or a turtleneck. She couldn’t wait to do so.

“Hope I’ll make it worth it.”

Despite the smugness she knew just how eager and impatient he truly was to touch her. Every single caress, the push and pull of their bodies was familiar yet it felt like they were discovering it all over again. A whine of protest escaped his lips when she broke their kiss to take off his shirt to get closer to the hotness of his bare skin. Benny’s slender fingers hooked under the waistbands of her pants but instead of sliding them off he put his hand on her, knowing where and just how much pressure to apply to make Beth come undone. The hand she kept on his lower back curled as she whimpered his name and she knew she would leave a mark of her own.

She would have chosen a single bed if she still got to share it with Benny in the end.


End file.
